What You Can Do

I have been systematically mauled over the past twenty years. The pain and despair that I live with daily is compounded by constant exposure to those individuals who either deny outright or trivialize what I have endured. For the "gainsayers," I simply invented it all. My experiences are simply the product of an over-developed imagination, manufacturing a crime involving millions out of whole cloth. I am the delusional paranoid(or is it paranoid delusional?) For these individuals I am the "psycho, the crazy one." I am not dangerous-merely laughable and ridiculous.
On the other hand, the "trivializers" are prepared to admit that something untoward occurred, but it's of no importance. "It's no big deal" or "He's just an a**hole" or "I thought it was just local" are some of the typical comments from this bunch.
Neither the "gainsayers" nor the "trivializers" are prepared to admit that I have suffered a terrible injustice or that I have been materially damaged in any way, BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPENED.
My plea is a simple one. If you have observed anything relating to this outrage, no matter h0w seemingly trivial, please leave a comment or get in touch by email. I will make no demands on anyone who responds. I only ask for the truth, as you know it. Thank you.

Those Who Spit

This is an unpalatable subject, but one that invites comment. As I have traveled around this city, I have routinely encountered those individuals, who I refer to as the "spitters." They may be pathetic, disgusting and laughable, but they are in earnest. My presence sets off lots of hocking and spitting. Their discharges accompany me everywhere. Many have even attempted spitting on me from moving vehicles, which is particularly inept, as their spittle more often than not ends up right back in their faces. I have encountered tens of thousands of these individuals over the years. Largely male, with a sprinkling of particularly absurd females, these people are not dangerous. Indeed, their affect and particularly their eyes reflect intense fear. I tested this on occasion, when given the opportunity, by approaching them in a non-threatening manner. I would simply position myself in close, but not intrusive, proximity and await developments. Occasionally I would comment, "Do you understand homophobia?" or "What do you imagine?" Virtually without exception, I would encounter either paralysis or instant flight, as though they had encountered a particularly dangerous predator.
These expectorating lowlifes have been with me since day one. I was shocked not only by their intense involvement, but also by their need to comment in such a manner. I am loathe to speculate on motivation, but they are dealing with an absolute stranger. I am merely someone that they have heard something about. Could this behavior be based on the lie that I use prostitutes or is it some other imagined failing? I am sure that they would maintain that they are merely indicating their displeasure with my rumored inclinations. What I observe in these individuals is a powerful need to eliminate some aspect of their own being. The discharges come from them. It is a visceral need to expel a part of their own persona.
Their lack of self-awareness is stunning. They are projecting wildly without the slightest hesitation, triggering the most extraordinary and revealing behavior. My rumored sexual inclinations are embraced without a second thought, which, of course, is just the point. Both their immediate acceptance of the lies and their reaction in such a manner suggests that this is their conflict. Their loathing and disgust is of their own persona not mine.

Not Only Unbelievable, But Inconceivable

For most Americans, the crime I relate here lies so far outside their experience that my allegations are dismissed as either hyperbole or dementia. Many doubt that any great number of people would actively become involved. Others doubt that anyone would take the time and energy to organize such an effort. For some, the motivations of the Koreans involved are hard to fathom. Others do not understand how those perpetuating such a crime, could easily rationalize it. I will deal briefly with each objection in turn. In subsequent posts, I will elaborate, which will give you, dear reader, something to contemplate either with relish or horror.
First, although uncomfortable to contemplate, it is easy to acquire and audience for such a crime. Once begun, it quickly becomes self-sustaining. Tens become hundreds, hundreds become thousands and thousands become tens of thousands. Continued success requires only that the object remains a stranger, has no means of countering the lies and continues to circulate throughout the city.
Secondly, regarding the organization of this crime, little is required if you are part of an ethnic group spread strategically throughout the city. I must speculate at this point since the actual details are unavailable to me. I rely on my experience and what little has been related to me by others. I have been told that a picture was utilized, which would surely explain how such an effort could be organized so readily on a citywide scale. I assume that pre-existing immigrant and business groups were co-opted for this effort. This much I do know. I immediately started encountering hostility with a very distinct personality wherever I traveled. Initially the perpetrators were individuals of an East Asian appearance. As time passed, however, I increasing observed East Asians stopping people on the street, pointing to me as they engaged them in conversation. The reactions of those buttonholed varied considerably, but many took an unseemly interest. The hostility I was experiencing escalated rapidly. I would test my observations by walking leisurely through a strange neighborhood, casually noting those around me. I would return in a day or two, taking the same route at more or less the same time of day. Not only was I no longer a stranger, but I was distinctly recognizable-an object of hate, amusement or contempt. I have been asked quite innocently how I knew "it" was going on. I think on a moment's reflection, dear reader, that if something comparable happened to you that you would know immediately.
Thirdly, regarding motivation, I can only offer informed speculation. Just prior to the onset of this crime, I was treated with extreme hostility in quick succession at two different Korean delis in my neighborhood. I was shocked, particularly since I had so openly expressed my delight that they had opened businesses in the area. A friend, who lived in the neighborhood, told me that one of "their women" had said something "nice" about me. I suspect that it was a little more than that as he asked me, if I had ever flirted with any of the women working there. I answered no, of course not. I did nothing more than smile and offer the most conventional pleasantries. At the time it didn't seem important. I know that I didn't do anything. In hindsight, knowing what I do regarding the traditional roles of women in Korean society, I am convinced that I simply became some sort of symbol in a difficult, ongoing conflict within this community regarding the status of women that was provoked by moving to this country.
Fourth, regarding rationalizing an organized effort such as this, in a shame-based culture few would question the appropriateness of the action. In these societies social norms are maintained by collective activity designed to wound or isolate the identified transgressor. The conformity that one observes in East Asian society rests on an intense fear of the potential punitive action of their fellow citizens. Once the Koreans had convinced themselves that I was morally deficient and a public health threat, their culture would not only condone their behavior, but would endorse it. Obviously, this is a gross simplification. I will expand on the dynamics of a shame-based culture in subsequent posts.

Editorializing

I received an email recently suggesting that I over-editorialized in the June, 1993 material. It's a valid point. The material was written in a state of considerable agitation designed with one overriding purpose: to keep me alive. A hate campaign that I had assumed would dissipate had continued to grow almost exponentially. Writing and distributing the material was an act of desperation, which I didn't really expect to have much effect. Remarkably, it worked. To my surprise and relief, the response was almost immediate. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, individuals started to seek me out. Although for many it was an opportunity to gloat or mock me, the majority were clearly motivated by curiosity or compassion. Over time the numbers acting out against me declined dramatically. Quite obviously, although damaged, I am still here.

Although I am prepared to defend everything in the June, 1993 material, I am well aware that there are instances of speculation, excessive judgmental characterizations and intemperate language. Although I remain furious that I have had to spend twenty years as I have, that my life has been systematically dismantled and that I am still without a resolution to this outrage, I promise to be more measured in subsequent posts.